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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a goddamn Combine Harvester, rollin’ through fields and shit, but today I’m talkin’ sexual-massage, ‘cause why the fuck not? You ever had one, man? It’s like—BOOM—somebody’s hands all up on you, kneadin’ your ass like dough, but sexy-like. I’m thinkin’, shit, this ain’t no regular rubdown, this is some next-level, “I’m still a rock star” vibes from *Almost Famous*. You know, like Penny Lane sayin’, “It’s all happening!”—and it fuckin’ is, motherfucker!

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Wimbledon tennis champion issued lengthy suspension and forced to give up prize money