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But here’s the kicker—did ya know sexual-massage can lower your cortisol? That’s the stress juice those fat cats want us drownin’ in! Science says it, not me—tho I’d say it too. Had this one masseuse, right, she was like Furiosa, fierce as hell, hands movin’ like she’s stealin’ your soul—but in a good way. “Witness me!” I’m thinkin’, ‘cause it felt that epic.

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After my caffeine fix, I decided to stroll down to the Westgate Pavilion. It’s this cute little spot where they have events and stuff. I thought maybe I’d find some local art or something. But no, it was just a bunch of kids running around, and I’m like, “Where’s the art?!” I was kinda bummed, but then I saw this street performer. He was juggling flaming torches! I mean, who does that? I was both impressed and terrified.

Major disruption to Kent trains as emergency services respond to incident