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About Leicester

What pisses me off? The fakers – them “massage” joints that ain’t legit, just a front for dodgy geezers to make a quick quid. Makes me wanna scream, “You’re doing it wrong, you muppet!” But when it’s good? Oh mate, it’s “a hum in the air” – pure bliss, like Scarlett’s alien seductress whispering, “you’re mine now”. Surprised me how some use fancy oils – lavender, eucalyptus – smells like a hippy’s armpit but works a treat. Exaggerating? Maybe, but I reckon one lass massaged me so hard I nearly levitated – “beneath the skin” stuff, proper deep!

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Some lesser-known spot I LOVE is the secret garden behind the old library on Fern Street. It’s all overgrown and wild, like life itself sometimes – and trust me, it’s a beauty spot for soul-searching. Its wildflowers look like scribbles on a blank page; you never know what hidden wonder awaits when you look close.

Nottingham city roadworks planned for this week