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Ya gotta know the code, see? We swears! They don’t just pop up like daisies. Some use them dodgy apps now – techy prossies, who’d’a thunk? Blows me mind, it does! “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!” – pfft, not here, mate, these streets ain’t pure. I gets all giddy tho, cos it’s like a game – spot the lass, dodge the filth. Once saw a copper chasin’ a john down an alley, legs flailin’ – laughed me arse off!

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I’ve had my share of mad days here. One time, on Bishop Street (yeah, that one near the town hall – not too hard to miss), I was coding my app while jamming to old vinyl tracks, and outta nowhere, a stray dog leveled me a look. That look said, “Hey mate, you’re headless – check yo memory!” Dang, so surreal and raw, just like those moments in The Headless Woman that hit you at 3 AM in a moody, foggy dream.

Plan for ScrewFix branch in Welshpool gets green light from Powys council