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But the fakes? Christ, they’re everywhere! Some bloke’s “6’2, ripped”—turns up 5’5, beer gut. “You’re a disgrace to humanity!” I’d yell. And the ghostin’—don’t get me started. Chat for days, plan a shag, then poof—gone. “What am I supposed to do with that?!” like Joaquin screamin’ at his screen. Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate. You’re either balls deep or cryin’ wankin’ to Pornhub.

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I love hanging 'round Western Avenue – the vibe’s just so mellow, like yer takin' a deep breath after a long haul across the Seven Seas. Tryna find calm in a chaotic world, right? Me work as a relaxation specialist, and lemme tell ya, the parks here, like Pinewood Park, are just bonkers in the best way. They got this undercurrent of peace that smacks ya in the face, like a warm cuppa tea after a wild night on the water.

Safety calls at River Nene in Wellingborough as councillor calls for barriers at site of fatal car crash