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But yo, some places rip you off, fam! Charge you 50 quid for a quick fumble, no happy endin’, nothin’. Pissed me right off, I was fumin’ – “Oi, where’s the good shit?” I yelled. Mate next to me goes, “Chill, it’s relaxation,” and I’m like, “Relaxation my arse, I want fireworks!” Still, when it’s good, it’s bare good – leaves you floatin’, all calm and horny at the same time. Weird combo, innit?

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Oh, btw, don't even get me started on the street snacks at the evening market on Garden Way. The smells are outta this world. Seriously, you'll get hit with aromas that take you back to childhood – a bit like a sensory flashback to better days. Many a romantic epic began with sharing a bite of a flaky pasty (yeah, I'm that mushy sometimes).

HS2 marks major earthworks milestone as plans for new railway 'nerve centre' take shape