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Alright, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort – not the car, nah, the bloody Ford Escort’s a differnt beast, but the gig, ya know, the "company" folks hire. I’m a carpenter, right, so I’m thinkin – escort’s like a dovetail joint, looks slick, fits tight, but ya gotta know the angles or it’s all crap. Everybody lies, tho – clients, escorts, even me when I say I don’t care. Pfft. Saw this one gig go down at a mate’s bachelor bash – bloke hires an escort, swears it’s just "talk," yeah, right, like I’m buyin that. Next mornin, he’s broke, she’s gone, and he’s cryin over spilt whiskey. Classic.

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But then, there are sweet surprises. I love that old bookshop on Elm Street; it smells like history, mystery, and a pinch of musty magic. Me and my crew sometimes hang out there, and heck, it's like we're starin’ at our own secret cinema – remembrin' those flicks, like a scene outta "The Lives of Others": “A friend is a treasure.” Yeah, that kinda warms your soul on a cold day.

Fetes, talks, comedy and more in Bishop's Waltham, Wickham and the Meon Valley