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About Liverpool

I reckon it’s all about the tease, innit? Not just a rub-down—nah, it’s art. Some blokes think it’s dodgy, but screw ‘em. Makes me happy as a pig in muck—relaxes me after dodging bullets. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they’d do these oily massages with a kinky twist? Senators getting frisky—proper naughty! Surprised me, that—thought I’d seen it all.

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I rolled outta bed, grabbed my cuppa, and hit the road. The sun was barely up, but the streets were already buzzin’. I mean, who knew Ushaw-Moor could wake up so early? I took a stroll down Front Street, and lemme tell ya, the smell of bacon butties waftin’ from the café was like a siren call. I almost forgot I was on a mission to blast some old metal. Almost.

Serial shoplifter who lives 'chaotic lifestyle' is banned from shops in County Durham