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Me? I’m chillin’ like a Martian, sippin’ cosmic tea, thinkin’ - escort’s a trip. Happy seein’ folks own it, mad at the creeps ruinin’ it. Surprised how deep it goes - history, cash, drama. Ever hear bout that escort who snitched on a politician? Juicy as hell, straight outta a Fincher flick! We come in peace, but damn, humans, you messy. Love it tho - keeps us aliens entertained!

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I gotta say, some days Upminster makes me mad – traffic on Market St can be a total rowsy nightmare. But then, I catch a sunset at Marshfield Park and, whaddya know, all the crap just melts away. It’s like each blade of grass is whispering, "Everything's cool, eh." And, y'know, I sometimes imagine some odd dialogue from Dogville, like "This is where everything changes, doc," right before I dive back in to my work.

Inside Upminster's 'quirky' micropub which plans to bring out its own beer