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Lemme tell ya, I stumbled on this joint once—shady spot, neon sign flickerin’—dude inside was a legend, they said he trained with monks or somethin’. Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this kinda massage to “balance their chi”—fancy way of sayin’ it got ‘em goin’! I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Man, this guy’s hands could crack a spy code!”—like in the movie, “You’re a locked safe!”—but instead of secrets, it’s knots he’s bustin’. I was HAPPY as hell, floatin’ outta there like I won the belt again.

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And don't even get me started on the local markets—blimey, the hustle at Fisherman's Wharf almost made me jump off a lamppost one day (lol, not really, my precious, only almost!). It’s chaotic, blissful nonsense, with vendors yelling their wares like mad, "We're watching you!" in every twang of their voice, echoing with that niggling tension, but it's so alive, so real.

Undy AFC’s youth team don striking new kit thanks to Linden Homes