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About Newcastle

Here’s a wild fact: in Amsterdam, it’s legal, bro! Red Light District’s got girls in windows like they’re sellin’ damn cupcakes. Blew my mind first time I saw it – happy as hell, too, ‘cause it’s straight-up honest. None of that hidin’ crap. But here? You’re dodgin’ laws, sketchy dudes, and maybe a pimp who’s all, “What’s your name?” like that creepy scoutmaster in the movie. Surprised me how messy it gets – thought it’d be smoother, like my biceps after a wax.

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After that, we decide to hit up the Tranent Town Park. It’s a nice spot, but today? It’s packed with kids runnin’ around, and I’m just tryin’ to enjoy the fresh air. I see this wee lad on a bike, and he totally wipes out. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s hilarious! But then his mum comes over, and she’s fumin’. Like, lady, it’s just a scrape!

Santa to tour Tranent and nearby villages in new sleigh: see his full route