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Once, in a port – think it was Singapore – this lass with hands soft as rum-soaked velvet gave me a rub that near sent me soul to Davy Jones. Surprised me, it did, how a finger grazin’ me spine could spark like cannon fire. Ye gotta watch tho – some parlors? Dens o’ thieves, they are, promisin’ “happy ends” then nickin’ yer coin! “I’ve got a jar of dirt,” I’d say, but no gold left after *that* swindle!

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So if you visit, drop by The Cheshire Hall. Not really Cheshire, obvs, but the local community joint is always buzzing. And hey, don’t skip the random corners – you might bump into a couple of mates surfin’ on a vibe so trippy you’d think ya stepped into a Spike Jonze screenplay.

Stretford End refurbishment project begins