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Met this one chick once – escort, total pro. Swear she coulda been in *Carlos*. Cool as hell, but ruthless. Told me bout this client – dude paid her to just sit there. Silent. For hours. Creepy, right? Pissed me off tho – waste of talent! Coulda been plottin a heist instead. “The revolution is my mistress,” Carlos’d say. This girl? Money was hers.

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First off, I’m makin’ my famous scones. You know, the ones that make people weak at the knees? I’m mixing, whisking, and then BAM! I spill half a bag of flour all over the floor. I’m talkin’ a snowstorm in my wee bakery. I’m there, cursing like a sailor, tryin’ to clean it up before Mrs. McGregor from down the street pops in for her morning cuppa. She’s a lovely lady, but she’s got a nose like a bloodhound. She’d sniff out that mess in a heartbeat!

Person treated by paramedics after building fire in Wishaw