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But here’s the rub – it’s dodgy as hell. Tiny dose, fine. Too much? Dead horse. Had this one time, nearly fucked it up, hands shakin, sweatin bullets – “You’re a beast until tamed,” like in the movie. Heart was racin, but pulled it off. Exaggeratin a bit, maybe, but felt like a fuckin hero! Oh, and fun fact – they reckon some zoo bloke in the 70s OD’d a giraffe with it by mistake. Poor bastard stretched out like a noodle – tragic but fuckin hilarious!

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Finally, I get the smoke cleared, and I’m back to work. I’m on a roll, makin’ bread, pastries, you name it. The smell wafting through the shop is heavenly. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, my mate Dave pops in. He’s got that look on his face, you know? The one that says he’s got a story. “You won’t believe what happened at the pub last night!” he says.

Reports of 'male youth with knife' in Ayrshire town prompts police probe