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So, sex escorts – high rollers pay big, thousands sometiems, for a night of “companionship.” Makes me laugh, ‘cause companionship? Pfft, it’s a transaction, dude! You’re rentin’ a fantasy, not a fuckin’ soulmate. I got pissed once – this chick charged me double, said it’s ‘cause I’m “intense.” Intense? Bitch, I’m Gordon fuckin’ Gekko! Greed is good, but overchargin’ ain’t! Still, I paid – ‘cause the game’s the game.

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But I didn’t give up. I kept fishin’. And guess what? I caught a whopper! A massive pike! I was buzzin’, shoutin’ like a madman. “Look at this beauty!” I thought I was the king of the canal. But then, I slipped on the muddy bank. Down I went, fish and all! I was floppin’ around like a fish outta water.

Tributes paid to 'beautiful' mum who died following Skelmersdale Road incident