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So, check it, I’m out there, buzzin’, lookin’ for a lass – not your average prossie, mind! Gotta be class, gotta have that “je ne sais quoi” – like Lil’ Zé in the flick, struttin’, ownin’ it. I’m thinkin’, “This is my turf, yeah?” – but nah, got proper mugged off once, right? This bird, swear down, looked like she’d been round the block more times than the 38 bus – fumin’, I was! “You ain’t got the juice!” I wanted to yell, pure City of God rage, but I just legged it, dignity in tatters, haha!

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I place a cheeky bet on the little fella named “Clucky McCluckface.” Classic, right? The crowd’s going wild, and I’m just there, sipping my pint, thinking, “This is the life.” But then, Clucky trips over his own feet! I’m like, “Noooo!” But he gets back up and wins! I’m shouting, “Come on, Clucky!” like I’m at Wembley or something.

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