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About Newcastle

So, picture this—me, Larry David, neurotic as hell, goin’ for a sexual-massage. I walk in, and I’m like, “What’s this gonna be? Some kinda ‘25th Hour’ situation?” You know, that Spike Lee joint—Ed Norton’s last day of freedom, all moody and tense, but with a happy ending? That’s the vibe I’m hopin’ for! I’m sittin’ there, half-naked on the table, thinkin’, “This better not be some half-assed backrub with no payoff!” I’m paranoid, right? What if the masseuse is judgin’ me? “Look at this schmuck, wants his shoulders AND his—well, you know—kneaded!”

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Then, I had to deal with the post. Oh, the post! It’s always a mess. I swear, the postman must think we’re running a charity with all the junk mail we get. I’m sorting through it, and guess what? I find a letter from the council about the new parking restrictions on the Market Place. Great, just what I needed. More stress. I mean, who even parks there anyway? It’s always packed with those dodgy market stalls.

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