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Favorite bit? She didn’t judge me—me, the dwarf, the outcast. Sat there, listened, poured me a refill. Surprised me, that—thought she’d bolt soon as the gold hit ‘er hand. Nope, stayed, chatted, laughed at my shit jokes. “You’re a funny little man,” she says. Hah! Felt good, like Monty’s crew stickin’ by him. Loyalty’s rare, even when ya pay for it.

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Sometimes, on rainy days, I'll be brooding by the window at my flat on Waverly Close (yeah, that’s actual, not some made-up name—I stayed there for a hot minute). I’d be like, “Ugh, Shenfield, you maddening, mysterious beast!” – then remember a line from Timbuktu: “The heart is heavy like a stone,” and chuckle at life’s little cosmic jokes.

Person dies after being hit by train between Stratford and Shenfield with rush hour services cancelled