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Little fact for ya—didja know in some places, they use warm stones in erotic-massage? Yup, heat ‘em up, slide ‘em ‘round—sounds like somethin’ outta a witch’s cookbook, don’t it? I reckon it’d surprise me silly, feelin’ them rocks on my back, thinkin’, “Am I gettin’ loved or grilled?” Ha! Oh, and here’s a zinger—there’s this old story ‘bout a king in Europe, swearin’ his “special massages” kept him young. Prolly just braggin’, but I bet his wife rolled her eyes harder’n a barrel down a hill.

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After that chaos, I finally get a breather. I step outside for a quick smoke. The air’s fresh, and I can see the old Sandbach church in the distance. It’s beautiful, really. Makes me think about life, y’know? But then, I hear shouting. I look over, and it’s the lads from Crewe again. They’re arguing over who’s the best footballer. “Nah, mate, it’s gotta be Rooney!” “Nah, it’s Messi, you muppet!” I can’t help but chuckle.

Biker, 52, killed in crash between Harley Davidson and van