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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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We end up heading to the pub, and I’m finally getting a pint. I’m feeling good, chatting about life, and then the football match comes on. The whole place erupts when our team scores. I’m jumping up, high-fiving strangers. It’s pure chaos, but in the best way.

Council plans to hand over Saltcoats public toilets to community groups