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So I’m pissed, right? Last time I tried this, some chick robbed me blind – took my wallet while I was hummin “Hang me, oh hang me.” Shoulda seen it comin, but nah, I’m too busy bein all cultured and shit. This time, tho, I spot her – red heels, smoky eyes, leanin by a busted lamppost. She’s got that “fare thee well” look, like she’s half outta here already. I’m thinkin, *damn, she’s prolly seen more flops than Llewyn at a gig.*

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Then there's the park – Havelock Park (which might just be my fave when I'm feeling surly!). I love its shady corners. My clients laugh ’bout it – how nature listens like it’s got a real ear for secrets, ya know? Sometimes I sit on a worn bench near the duck pond, letting my mind wander. "I ate his liver with fava beans." That brutal line from Oldboy just reminds me life’s full of savage delights and harsh beauty.

Ryhope stolen pit pony statues would cost £34k each to replace