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But—hold up—it pisses me off too. These escorts, they suck water like pigs! Greedy as hell, dryin’ out the ground. Farmers hate ‘em sometimes—say they’re selfish, stealin’ from crops. I’m like, “C’mon, escort, chill out!” Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d be chill, y’know, noble. Nope! Drama queens of the tree world—exaggeratin’ their thirst like No-Face gobblin’ up gold! “More! More!”—hilarious, but damn annoyin’.

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I love wandering near York Road – seriously, it's quirky and full of character, kinda like the slow, rhythmic flow of time in that film. Makes me say, “In the stillness of the water, a mirror reveals truths.” Seriously, I was massaging a fella once by the old pub on High Street (yeah, High Street, not highway, silly me!) and he told me about the legends of the place. I was like, “Ruh-roh, really?” because his story was as twisted as my back after a long day!

Rutherglen Comic and Toy Con is coming to town hall this Saturday