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So, escorts—pricey, sure, but worth it. You’re payin’ for loyalty, discretion, muscle. Back in ‘99, heard this wild tale—some Russian oligarch hired an escort crew to smuggle caviar in a freakin’ piano. True story, swear it! Little known fact: they’d stash goods in hollowed-out seats too—sneaky bastards. Gets my evil heart pumpin’, that kinda craftiness. *Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* Makes me wanna hire ‘em just to mess with Mini-Me.

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I get my sarnie, and it’s glorious. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I hear this commotion down by the train station. Turns out, some bloke’s lost his dog. I mean, come on, mate! How do you lose a dog in Rugeley? It’s not that big! So, I join the search party. We’re calling out “Rover!” like it’s some kind of doggy version of hide and seek.

Motorcyclist fatally injured in Rugeley RTC