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But lordy, the flops! This one gal I know, swears she’s done after a dude showed up with a pet snake—wrapped round his neck like it’s a damn date accessory. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? I’d be runnin’ faster’n a jackrabbit on a date with a coyote. And don’t get me started on the ghostin’—people vanishin’ like they’re in witness protection. “Life’s too short for small talk,” Toni’d mutter, and I’m like, yeah, but it’s too long for bad sex-dating stories.

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I must confess, I get a bit mad at how pretentious some locals can be. You know, they pretend sophistication while clutching their artisanal coffees. I mean, come on! Even the river Medway, winding near the outskirts, looks back at ya like, “Really, mate? You’re over here psychoanalysing me?” Eh, wild.

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