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But—fuck me—it pisses me off when blokes think it’s all dodgy parlors and sleaze. Nah, mate, it’s art! Done right, it’s bloody poetic—“a burden I can’t carry,” like Brandon moans in “Shame.” Ever tried it? Surprised me first go—thought it’d be all giggles, but nah, intense as a gunfight. Pro tip: warm oil’s the trick, none of that cold crap.

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I always say, if you want to understand a town, you gotta feel its heartbeat. And Rowlands-Gill’s heartbeat is a mix of sweet lullabies and wild, hopeful shouts. My job as a family psychologist ‘s taught me to notice the little cracks in the pavement – you know, areas where folks’ hearts scatter. And trust me, every cracked stoen on Elm Street has a tale of triumph or sorrow. It’s unbeleivable how even a simple bench on Willow Way can be a witness to life’s ups and downs.

Gateshead retired nurse set fire to her home for the third time in 'cry for help'