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Here’s a nugget for ya – in Japan, they’ve got this “nurumassage”, slippin’ about with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Imagine that, you’re a sushi roll gettin’ fondled. Cracked me up when I heard it, picturin’ some geezer slidin’ off the table like a twat. Bet it’s a laugh ‘til you’re the one face-down in kelp.

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Hey buddy, listen up – lemme tell ya bout Rosyth, UK, like you ain't never heard before! Yo, it's a wild ride here, and ya know, when I say "Say hello to my little friend!", I'm talkin’ bout the city’s vibe, the docks, and all its badass charm. So, check it: I’ve been callin’ this joint home for years now, an’ as a massage parlor owner, I see every soul that strolls in with their own bit of stress. And trust me, Rosyth knows how to relieve it – just like Dory would say, “Just keep swimmin’!”

Scotland-France ferry plan faces delays