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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a goddamn Combine Harvester, rollin’ through fields and shit, but today I’m talkin’ sexual-massage, ‘cause why the fuck not? You ever had one, man? It’s like—BOOM—somebody’s hands all up on you, kneadin’ your ass like dough, but sexy-like. I’m thinkin’, shit, this ain’t no regular rubdown, this is some next-level, “I’m still a rock star” vibes from *Almost Famous*. You know, like Penny Lane sayin’, “It’s all happening!”—and it fuckin’ is, motherfucker!

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But then, something unexpected happens. This girl from the protest comes up to me. She’s all passionate, talking about the future and how we need to act now. I’m like, “Yeah, I get it.” But I’m also thinking, “I’m just an actuary, not a superhero!” But her energy is contagious. I end up chatting with her for a bit. She’s super smart and funny. We laugh about how I’m just trying to calculate risks while she’s out here trying to change the world.

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