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We swears! Sex escort, tricky business, eh? Makes me twitchy, like Monty from *25th Hour*—all jittery, caught in a mess. “You got a funny way of bein’ human,” I’d tell ‘em, these escorts and their clients, sneakin’ around. Been thinkin’—it’s old as dirt, right? Oldest job, they say, but hush-hush still! Blows my mind, precious. Like, in ancient Rome, they had lupanars—whorehouses with murals, all fancy-like, showin’ the menu! Ain’t that wild?

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Anyway, I’m sipping my coffee, and I decide to take a stroll. I hit up Roehampton High Street. It’s got this mix of shops, like a random charity shop next to a posh bakery. I’m thinking, “What’s the deal with that?” I pop into the bakery, and OMG, the pastries! I’m talking flaky, buttery goodness. I grab a croissant, and it’s like a hug in pastry form.

University of Roehampton rebrands to be more “contemporary” and less “generic”