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Oh, and funniest bit? Heard this cat once booked a “happy ending” thinkin’ it’s just a pep talk—came out confused as hell! I laughed ‘til my ribs hurt. Sexual-massage ain’t all dirty tho—folks swear it boosts health, blood flow, all that jazz. Docs even back it, sayin’ it chills ya nerves. Me, I’m sold—beats the stock market for returns, ha!

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I’m fuming. I start pacing around, thinking about how I’m gonna get home. I mean, Randalstown isn’t exactly a big city, but it’s not like I can walk back to Church Street in the rain. Just as I’m about to give up, I see a familiar face. It’s that old lady from earlier! She’s walking her dog, and I’m like, “You won’t believe my day!”

Death Notice Noreen MULHOLLAND