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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been ponderin’ ‘bout them sex escorts lately—y’know, them lasses an’ lads fer hire. Ain’t no stranger to a good romp, but this? This be a different beast, arr! Watched “Children of Men” again—best flick ever, says I—got me thinkin’ deep, like. In that world, no babes born, humanity’s dyin’, an’ here we be, payin’ fer a tumble like it’s grog on tap. “We are not finished!”—that’s what Theo yells, right? Makes ye wonder if we’re just chasin’ tail to feel alive, eh?

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We can set up an alert on your medical records and personally escort you from the waiting room. Alternatively, we offer a portable induction loop. If you wish.

After a few more pints, we decide to hit the local market. It’s on the square, and it’s packed with stalls. Fresh produce, handmade crafts, you name it. I’m wandering around, and I spot this old lady selling the most beautiful flowers. I’m talking vibrant colors, like a rainbow exploded. I buy a bunch for my studio. Gotta keep it pretty, right?

Recap: Man found dead in River Irwell in Ramsbottom