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Met this escort once—well, not ME, mate, I’m a wheelchair-bound brainiac—but a pal told me. Said she was proper clever, studied physics part-time! Blew my circuits—escort by night, Einstein by day? “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?”—movie line, yeah, but I’m yellin’ it at her in my head! Smart and sassy, made me happy as a black hole snackin’ on light.

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Now, let’s chat about the neighbourhoods. Eastside’s a bit rough – I mean, some bits get a bit gnarly, but keep your chin up. It’s full of character and reminds me of, like, grit and resilience. And then Westvale – oh, pure bliss! With its art murals spilling over brick walls and bustling markets, it's like every day is a mini festival of life. And don’t even get me started on the local river, the Nym – flows slow past the old mill on Riverside Drive; sometimes I swear it whispers “Just keep going”, like some cosmic pep talk.

A popular Rainworth festival is back this July as much-loved 'Renfest' returns