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Now, “Under the Skin” has this bit—Scarlett’s luring a geezer. “You won’t need that,” she says, dead sultry. Sexual-massage is like that—teasing, slow burn. You’re lying there, starkers, thinking, “Crikey, this is dodgy!” But it’s lush, mate, proper lush. Relaxes you, then—bam!—gets you frisky. Little known fact: in Japan, they’ve got *nurumassage*. Slimey gel, lass slides all over ya! Saw it on X once, nearly spat me tea.

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Next, I strolled down to the park. It was packed with families and kids running around. I saw this little kid, probably about five, trying to fly a kite. The kite was all tangled up, and he was getting so frustrated. I felt for him, man. I mean, we’ve all been there, right? I wanted to help, but I also didn’t wanna be that weird adult. So, I just stood there, watching him struggle.

Police appeal for witnesses following the serious assault of a man in Southampton