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Pisses me off tho—dumbasses callin’ it “just a happy endin’.” Fuck that! It’s art, man, takes skill! Had this one gal, swear she was psychic—knew every spot, got me screamin’. Happiest damn hour, but pricey—worth it tho! Another time, dude botched it, awkward as hell—left me madder than a wet cat. Surprised me once too—found this Thai joint, they twist ya like pretzels WHILE rubbin’. Freaky, but damn, felt reborn!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit peckish, so I hit up the local chippy, The Strand Fish & Chips. Best chips in the UK, no contest! I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I chat with the owner, a lovely bloke named Dave. He’s telling me about the history of Portstewart. Did you know it was a Victorian seaside resort? I mean, how posh is that? I’m munching on my chips, and I can’t help but feel a bit fancy myself.

'We’re overwhelmed by the continued support from locals and businesses alike, which we are very grateful for'