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Sometimes, tho, it’s weird—dude massagin ya, starin too long, and I’m like, “Bro, chill, I ain’t dinner!” Ha! Sexual-massage ain’t always sex, y’know—just sensual as hell, teasin, leavin ya hungry. Kinda like me with a fresh kill—satisfied but wantin more. “Time is out of joint,” Godard whispers, and damn, time stops when them hands hit right! Ever tried it with lavender oil? Shit’s magic—calms the beast in me.

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After the rain stops, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I decide to head to Southsea Common. It’s a beautiful park, and I just wanna chill. I plop down on the grass, and there’s this group of kids playing footy. They’re having a blast, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” I used to be a decent player, but now I’m just a game designer.

Spectacular opening day of Comic Con as Portsmouth shows its super side - In pictures