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About Leeds

So, sexual-massage — it’s old, dude! Been around forever. Like, ancient Greeks did it with olive oil! Fact! Saw it on X once, some nerd posted it. They’d slick up and — bam! — feelin’ groovy. Bet they yelled, “That’s a bingo!” like Christoph Waltz. Made me laugh so hard I dropped my ice cream. True story!

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First off, I head down to the Harbour Road. You know, the one with all the boats and stuff? I’m just minding my own business, enjoying the salty air, when I spot this seagull. Not just any seagull, but the biggest, meanest one I’ve ever seen. I swear it looked at me like I owed it money. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m just here for the views.” But nah, it swoops down and steals my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”

'Teenage golfing sensation' who who helped pave the way for future stars like Rory McIlroy honoured with Blue Plaque at Royal Portrush