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Escorts ain’t just cars tho—there’s the shady stuff too. D’oh! Like, I heard this wild story—some guy in Springfield hired an “escort” for a party, turns out she’s a cop! Busted his dumb ass—hilarious! Made me laugh ‘til I choked on my donut. Little known fact: back in the ‘80s, Escort cars were so cheap, folks called ‘em “disposable rides.” Kinda like Kolya’s life in that movie—fallin’ apart, no fixin’ it.

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Then, just as I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, I hear this commotion. Turns out, a dog’s run off with one of the kids’ buckets. The kid’s crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not on my watch!” So, I jump up, channel my inner superhero, and chase after the dog. I’m running down the beach, yelling, “Stop, thief!” It’s ridiculous. I finally catch up, and the dog just looks at me like, “What’s your problem, mate?”

RNLI lifeguards assist five children caught by offshore winds off Portrush