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So, I tried it once—total shocker! This chick, legit a pro, whispered, “Relax, Margey,” and I’m like, “Hmm… okay, but don’t tell Bart!” Hands slid everywhere—neck, thighs, oof, felt naughty but nice! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this with rose petals—fancy, right? Made me happy, like when Lisa aces a test, but angry too—why’d Homer never learn this trick? Stingy bum!

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As the night rolls on, I’m feeling pretty good. I mean, it’s been a rollercoaster. From the rain to bingo, it’s like life’s throwing curveballs, and I’m just trying to hit a home run. I walk back home, the streets are quiet, and I can hear the waves crashing. Portlethen’s got this vibe, you know? It’s chill but full of surprises.

Man jailed for historic rapes of woman and child in Aberdeen and Portlethen