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Dunno, mate, it’s messy – sex for coin, love for nothin’. “There’s no place for me,” I mutter, thinkin’ of them lonely souls, fuckin’ for a livin’. Happy? Sometimes, when cash flows, they grin. Angry? When some twat gets rough. Me? I’d bite ‘em, yesss, leave ‘em bleedin’! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but picture this – Gollum as an escort, all scrawny and hissin’, “My precioussss, fifty quid!” Laughin’ yet?

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First off, I parked my truck on Easton Street. Thought I’d grab a coffee at that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? “Brewed Awakening” or something. I’m thinking, “Ah, a nice cuppa to start the day.” But nah, the barista was a total grump. Like, dude, it’s coffee, not rocket science! I ordered a flat white, and he looked at me like I just asked for a unicorn.

Dave Allen, Gang of Four Bassist and Portland Music Industry Consultant, Has Died