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Her name was Lola—swear, ain’t makin this up. Little known fact: she used to be a dancer, ballet shit, before the streets got her. Surprised me, y’know? Classy moves, but now she’s hustlin. Made me happy tho, she had guts, tellin me stories while I’m watchin the door. “Tony,” she goes, “I’m trapped in this perfect little prison,” straight outta “Far From Heaven” vibes. I’m like, damn, girl, you deep.

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Then, I hit up the local pub, The Seagull. I needed a pint after all that chaos. I sit down, and the bartender’s like, “What’ll it be?” I go for a lager. As I’m sippin’, I overhear some locals talkin’ about the best fish and chips in town. “Nah, it’s at The Catch,” one says. “No way, it’s at the chippy on Victoria Road!” They’re goin’ back and forth, and I’m just laughin’. It’s like a food war.

Porthcawl fatal pub attack: Stephen Chappell jailed for 14 years