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But—ooh!—what if she’s hot? Like, “Mmm… donuts.” hot? I’d be all, “Are you the original or the copy?”—straight outta the movie, man! Bet she’d look at me like I’m nuts. Prolly am. Still, gotta admit, there’s this rush, y’know? Kinda exciting, kinda scary—like when Marge catches me sneakin’ bacon. Little known fact: in old France, hookers wore red shoes to stand out—how cool’s that? Wish they still did, save me the hassle!

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Church Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the one. I ordered a latte, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you even mess up a latte? It was like drinking hot milk with a hint of regret. I was like, “C’mon, mate, I need caffeine, not a dairy disaster!”

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