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Ever tried it? Grindr, Bumble, whatever – pure madness. One time, this geezer sends me a vid, full-on wankin’, no hello! Laughed my arse off, then blocked him. Cheeky sod. We shall fight the weirdos, we shall conquer the creeps! But when it works – oh, fuckin’ hell, fireworks! Sal whispered, “You’re my coffee plantation,” nicked that vibe from the movie, romantic yet filthy. Made me grin like a twat. Sex-dating’s a war, yeah, but the victories? Shag-tastic.

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First off, I hit the road on Talbot Road, and it was already a bit mad. The traffic was a nightmare! I mean, come on, it’s Pontyclun, not London! I was stuck behind this ancient bus that seemed to be moving in slow motion. I swear, I could’ve walked faster. But hey, I finally made it to the community center on the High Street.

Cup final return for Pontyclun's Shaunni Davies after 'horrendous' injury