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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, “I drink and I know things.” So, sex-dating, yeah? What a bloody mess that is! Picture this: I’m sittin’ in a tavern, ale in hand, scrollin’ through these apps—swipe left, swipe right, like I’m pickin’ whores at a brothel! It’s all a grand game, innit? Like in *The Grand Budapest Hotel*—elegant on the surface, chaos underneath. “Many distinguished guests,” they say, but half these profiles? Liars with fake pics—catfishin’ cunts! Makes me wanna scream, “This is outrageous! It’s unfair!”

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After that, I headed over to Plumstead Common. It’s one of my fave spots. The green space is just lush, and you can see the whole city from up there. I plopped down on a bench, just taking it all in. But then, I see this group of kids playing football. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? One of them kicks it right into a bush.

Plumstead gunman jailed after shooting rival gang member in Walworth