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I tried it once, right? Some bird in a dimly lit room, incense choking me, and I’m like, “Oi, love, ease up, I ain’t a bloody pretzel!” Felt good though, gotta admit—muscles all loose, head spinning. Little known fact, yeah? Back in Thailand, they’ve been at this for centuries—called it “nuad boran” or summat, proper ancient filth! Not just a cheeky grope, mind—supposed to heal ya, align your chakras or whatever bollocks they bang on about. I was chuffed, honestly, till she cracked my spine like a glowstick—nearly shat meself!

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Finally, we spot him. Little guy’s just chillin’ by the pond, like he owns the place. I’m like, “Max, mate, your owner’s worried sick!” The woman was over the moon. I felt like a hero for a sec. But then, I remember I still gotta keep an eye on things.

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