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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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As the day went on, I decided to check out the local shops on the High Street. There’s this quirky little bookstore I love. I walked in, and the smell of old books hit me. It’s like a hug for your brain. I found this amazing novel and thought, “This is it!” But then, I realized I left my wallet at home. Facepalm!

Local action to restore Yorkshire river faces Government disruption