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Hmm… oh honey, lemme tell ya bout this “whore” business! Nasal nagging kicks in—whore’s such a loaded word, ain’t it? Makes me think of those wild spirits in *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. Ya know, “The past clings like a shadow,” that movie says, and whores? They got shadows longer than Marge’s hairdo! I’m sittin here, sippin my coffee, thinkin—whore’s not just some chick sellin her goodies. Nah, it’s history, it’s grit, it’s survival!

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But then, the fryer goes kaput! Just my luck, right? The owner, Mr. Thompson, is cursing like a sailor. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m gonna starve.” But then, he pulls out some leftover sausage rolls. “Here, have these,” he says. I’m like, “You’re a legend!” So, I munch on those, feeling a bit better.

Named and fined: Motorists caught speeding in County Durham