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Me quirks? I’d probs hire one just to chat bout glass – “Oi, love, fancy a natter bout silica?” Bet they’d think I’m bonkers! Exaggeratin’ for effect, I’d say escorts are the ninjas of nightlife – silent, deadly with a smile. Sarcasm? Yeah, “Oh, brilliant, another job everyone loves to hate.” But nah, it’s fascinatin’ – a dance, a game, a craft.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate, Jimmy. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s goin’ on about how he saw a seal at the beach. “A seal, mate! Right there on the sand!” I’m like, “Yeah, right, Jimmy.” But he’s dead serious. So, we head down to the beach on the Esplanade. And lo and behold, there’s a seal! Just chillin’ like it owns the place. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop my pigs.

Peterhead’s Palace Hotel reveals plan to take over former school across the road