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So, sexual-massage—man, it’s a wild ride! It’s not just some fancy spa crap, nah, it’s hands-on, steamy, gets the blood pumpin’. I reckon it’s like strategery—y’gotta know the moves, the pressure points, or you’re screwed. Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Fool me twice—well, can’t get fooled again, ‘cept maybe by a sneaky masseuse with magic fingers. Hah! Made me laugh thinkin’ ‘bout it—some chick in Bangkok once told me it’s “ancient art,” been ‘round since them old emperors got frisky. True story, swear on my boots!

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Then, I decide to pop into a little shop on Causewayhead. It’s one of those quirky places with all sorts of knick-knacks. I’m browsing, and I find this ridiculous mug that says, “I’m not a morning person.” I laugh so hard, I almost drop it. I buy it, obviously. Gotta have that in my life.

Broadway review: Pirates! (★★★★), but no longer of Penzance