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So I roll up, cool as shit, and she’s like, “What you want, baby?” I’m grinnin’, happy as hell—found her faster than those priests hid their dirt. “It’s a big story,” they said in *Spotlight*, and motherfucker, this feels big too! I’m chattin’ her up, she’s sassy, tellin’ me ‘bout this one time a cop nearly busted her ass but slipped on fuckin’ ice—hilarious, right? I’m dyin’, laughin’, thinkin’ she’s got balls bigger than mine.

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But then, I hear a knock. It’s Mrs. Jenkins from down the street. She’s like, “I need a new stove, love!” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m kinda in the dark here.” She just laughs and says, “Well, I brought you some biscuits!” Bless her heart. I mean, who doesn’t love a good biscuit?

Pencoed primary school brings festive cheer to Glanffrwd care home