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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine, swore he’d never – NEVER – hire one. Guess what? Caught him red-handed, leavin’ some motel! “I am not the Zodiac,” he stammers, like I’d buy that! Laughed me head off, then kicked his arse – stupid, fat hobbit! Sex escort’s a riddle, innit? Dirty, sad, funny – all mashed up! What d’ya reckon, eh? Gollum knows, Gollum sees!

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Then I hit up the park, Pelsall Park, ya know? Beautiful spot, but today? Ugh. Kids screamin’, dogs barkin’, and I’m just tryna find some peace. I sit on a bench, tryin’ to catch my breath, and this old bloke starts chattin’ me up. He’s ramblin’ on about the good ol’ days. I’m like, mate, I’m just tryna chill. But he’s got stories, I’ll give him that.

Flood light improvements underway in Pelsall