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Now, real talk – I stumbled on this dope fact: erotic-massage goes back centuries. Ancient Greeks were all about it – called it “anatripsis.” They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame, just vibes. Blew my mind! Imagine some buff Spartan goin’, “Yo, rub me down, I’m tense from spear-throwin’!” Makes me laugh, but damn, they knew how to live.

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I’m walkin’ along the canal, tryin’ to cool off, when I bump into my mate Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s tellin’ me about this time he tried to catch a fish with his bare hands. I’m like, “Dave, you’re a legend, but also a bit daft.” We share a laugh, and for a sec, I forget about the rubbish kids.

Watch: Work gathering pace on £3m canal bridge replacement near Walsall to improve road safety